I Want to Ride a Camel Across the Red Moon Desert

As you might have ascertained from my previous blog entry, after much searching, I finally managed to find a job with the federal government. I had submitted a résumé at a career fair earlier this year, taken a test that everyone has to take for this job, and then interviewed after I returned from my summer working at a youth camp. I’m not going to give too many details about my job because, A) I desire to keep it, and B) I don’t want to go to jail for accidentally breaking some security code. (Sadly, no, I do not work for the FBI.) I will say this: taking the job was a very difficult decision, because I knew it was a job I did not really want. I was expecting to have a lot more time to think about it, because they called me about a month sooner than they said they would to offer me the job. Hearing the phone message offering me the position was one of the most panic-filled moments of my young life: what was I supposed to do? I felt like Rosencrantz and Guildenstern in the play Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead. In the play, while they are on the ship to their deaths, one of them comments that life is like being on a ship: you think you have freedom because you can walk around on the ship wherever you please, but ultimately the ship is headed in a direction over which you have no control. That is how I felt when I was offered the job: I knew that, ultimately, I would probably take the job, but I also knew that I really didn’t want to take it. Hence, I stalled to give myself the illusion that I had the power to say no. My running definition of adulthood became “doing things you don’t want to do because you feel like you have to do them.” In the end, I decided that taking the job was the right thing to do for right now, and that was enough. It may not be right in a year or two, but for now it was a good decision.

I have now completed my fifth week of working for the government, and it has turned out pretty much as expected: not incredibly exciting, but not without its redeeming qualities (e.g., a paycheck). Right now I am in a training period, which lasts until the end of February, after which I have approximately nine weeks of supervision and scrutiny where I have to reach a certain performance level before I can begin to work independently. It’s a long road; the key phrase is, “It’s going to get better.” However, as aforementioned, it’s not all bad, and here are some amusing observations and anecdotes from the job.

For starters, everything is written in abbreviations and numbers, or, as I like to say, ABV 123. We have an abbreviation for everything, and a chart with all of the abbreviations because there is no possible way to memorize them all. There are some days when I want to throw out a few abbreviations of my own, but they are generally inappropriate so I opt to keep these to myself. Not only do I keep my abbreviations in check, but I also try to check my naturally inquisitive mind. There is no need to ask “why” as we go through policy and procedure because this question will never have a good answer; the policy defies logic. The only reason we do things the way we do is because some man in an office decided it should be this way some time ago, and when men in offices make decisions, they rarely make sense. (Veiled polemical remark? I’ll let you decide.) As my work day does start rather early, and as it can be somewhat monotonous, I try to think of creative ways to keep myself alert and focused. I always make sure to put an interesting backdrop up on my computer at the beginning of each day. One of my favorites is the picture entitled “Red Moon Desert.” Something about the contrast in colors between the red sand, blue sky, and white moon just appeals to my sense of aesthetics. Also, if I have finished the reading before the others around me or am having trouble staying focused or awake, I like to make up short, poorly written poems about whatever comes to mind. My creative writing poetry professor from college would probably say that they don’t materialize fully on the figurative level, but I’m not really going for quality; they are merely expressions for the moment. I’ll leave you with my favorite:

Backdrop

I want to ride a camel across the red moon dessert—
my sailboat over ripples of sand
rouged by the setting sun.
I want to ride toward the rising white
orb in the fading blue sky.
Away from drudgery, away from boredom, and my
Desk.